Leaving Eden

 Holly stood on the banks of the shallow river, clutching her book bag in one hand and her suitcase in the other. Even in the pitch black she could see that the water of the river had dried up enough so that she could walk over without getting the bottom of her jeans wet.

She wished she could trade the colony for the world just as easily as she had traded her ankle length dress for the jeans that her friend Grace had given her, but as much as her heart longed to be a part of a world that she had only caught glimpses of, it was still stuck in the shelter of her Hutterite life, clinging to the fact that if she stayed her heart would find contentment eventually. But Holly knew that of she didn't at least try the regret would haunt her for the rest of her life, she knew that she could always come back home if her heart longed too. 

Holly also knew that if she stepped across the river, her entire life would change. Her heart had already found peace with that, but Holly's heart was too big to stand unaffected at the thought of her Mom, Dad and her family waking up and finding her gone. It was that shard of love that made Holly hesitate to the point of stopping completely. She loved the Hutterites and everything they stood for, but her heart stopped her from feeling content in their small world. She understood that some might find it selfish that she was leaving behind the people that had cared for her, loved her and shaped her into the woman she became, and she could understand why because she too felt that tug of guilt.

She could already imagine how disruptive her leaving would be to her community. For a people that eat together, worship together, play together and work together, when someone leaves there's always a sense of loss, as if some part of your own self has been ripped off. No matter how little time you spend with that person, there's still an ache in your heart that feels forsaken. 

It didn't matter how old you were or how much you were capable of, every member had a contribution to make, to make sure everyone else was cared for and loved, "from the cradle to the grave" as they always said. In the Hutterite way you had to get along with everyone else, in order for that community to survive even if that means overlooking some peoples failings or shortcomings. The Hutterites weren't without their faults. but to Holly they had always been her home, even though she sometimes felt like a stranger to her people. 

That being said she also knew that not one person would ask her to stay if they knew her heart was somewhere else. Though they would hurt, grieve the loss of  a friend, loved one and dieh for a short time the wheels of their lives would keep turning the way it always had, because though she was valuable, loved and cherished by her community there was always someone to step in in her absence to fill that void that she would leave behind.

Yes, her people would survive without her but that thought didn't stop her tears from falling as she heard Graces car coming down the road.

Taking one more look over her shoulder at the colony that had been her home for 18 years, she bravely took the first step into her new life, with her faith in God as her only safety net.

Grace ran over to  help her with her bags and side by side they crossed the shallow river. After the bags were stored in the back seat they both climbed in the front.

"Are you okay Holly?" Grace asked as she saw the tears on her best friends face, and she realized that this was the hardest thing she had ever done, her secluded life sheltered her from most of the pain and hardships that Grace saw in the people around her from day to day.

"Honestly, no, but I believe I will be, I really didn't think I could do it Grace!" She answered as she looked back at the disappearing grain bin while holding back a new wave of tears.

She looked ahead at the dark and open road knowing that she had 12 long hours to go before reached Calgary, 12 more hours to feel the pain that she felt.

She had no way of knowing what was waiting for her at the end of this journey, she had never seen an apartment in her life and now she would be living in one, she had never visited Calgary in her life and now she had uprooted her entire life for this strange city. Holly hoped that she wasn't making a huge mistake in doing what she was doing, but she would have to trust her Unknown future to an all knowing God, and follow the path that she felt He was calling her to take.

A few hours later a buzzing woke Holly up from her sleep, she sat up and looked outside it was morning already, the clock on the dashboard read 8:00. "Where are we?" Holly asked Grace in an attempt to clear her hazy mind. "About in the middle of Saskatchewan, you've been sleeping for a few hours."

"Do you need me to drive? Be a shame to waste my license," She asked as she looked down at her phone to see who had texted her.

23 unread messages glared back at her, "Oh boy, that's not good." she sighed.

"What?" Grace glanced over at her screen.

"The well wished and guilt trip messages have started, I'll look at them later when my head is my clear. I know they are just worried." If they only knew how hard it had been to take this step maybe just maybe they wouldn't be so quick to tell her that if God had wanted her in the world he would have placed her there and not in the community. Or how much she loved them all. She knew they meant well but it still hurt.

She shoved the phone inside her jean pocket and looked toward the open road, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she was leaving Eden on earth to begin her journey, peace washed over her as she let her breath out. She had the strong heart of a Hutterite beating inside her, and with it she could face whatever may come.

Notes 

- Why most prefer to leave under the cover of  darkness and secrecy ... it's mostly to avoid your parents trying to talk you out of it and it's a way to avoid breaking the news to them. Basically a bit of a cowards way out I guess. Because if they find out some other way you wont have to face their pain. Because its not seen as just leaving your home, its seen as a sort of rejection of God even if your intentions are pure.

- We call the people that leave runaways, even though they do have a choice whether they want to leave or not. I feel like when people hear the word their brain will automatically jump to this being a cult of some kind. I want to clarify, if anyone wants to leave they can and will be able to no one will stop them or force them to stay. The term runaway comes from when young people used to literally run across the field to the nearest highway and hitch hike their way to cities or towns.

- If a family chooses to leave, they will be given money to start their lives and a truck/car for transportation. No colony would leave one of their own high and dry, even if conflict was the reason they left. Its a way of saying you've done so much for us and our community here's a little something to help you on your way.

- If you leave and you want to come for a visit you have to call the preacher for permission. This is a formality, and a way for them to talk to you a bit more than anything else. as they will very rarely say no unless their a really good reason for it,

- We do not practice shunning as a church. 

- There have been instances where people have been asked to leave the church. Sexual assault or child molestation is not tolerate at all. Because not only are you sinning but you have also hurt someone in the process. It will be made clear that though you are forgiven the pain you have caused cannot be undone, The safety of the person or people that have been harmed comes first. Again we do not practice shunning, if any person would like to see the person that was sent away its their own personal choice.

Again Questions are more than welcome hope you enjoyed this new post.