Wedding Fever

When one thinks about radical Christian movements their mind usually goes to the Amish, Mennonites or Mormons, the latter of which Hutterites have absolutely no connection with. And in thinking about marriages in Christian subcultures they oftentimes think of polygamy and arranged marriages, both of which Hutterites don't condone.

In a Hutterite marriage there is one man and one woman, and both have to be willing to marry the other in order for the marriage to be viewed as good in the eyes of God, so it can't be a one sided deal, and it can't be arranged or pressured into. So in other words we do marry for love and for life, as divorce is strictly prohibited in the church. But in order to understand how it works we should go back to when a couple first meets shall we ...

So as the story goes guy meets girl, girl falls for guy, guy falls for girl ... well that's basically how it goes. They get to know each other, through courting and phone calls, because most couples come from different colonies, most of which are a few hours apart, so there are a lot of long distance relationships. Premarital relations or anything of that nature are strictly prohibited by the church ... but I wont get into detail about Hutterite dating on this blog so lets move right along. 

Once both are agreed that they want to be together for the rest of their lives and once they are both baptized into the church (you can't get married on the colony without being baptized into the church you see). 

So anyways after that the man goes to the preacher of his colony and informs him that he would like to marry his sweetheart, at this point the relationship is already public knowledge. The preacher than phones the preacher of the girls colony and asks for her hand in marriage because upon getting married she would no longer be apart of her colony but would be joining the mans colony. And a wedding date is then set by both parties.

A few weeks before the wedding the groom travels to his betroths home colony to speak to his future father in law. This is basically just a sign of respect, as at this point he is already aware of the fact that they are getting married and his say so would have nothing to do with anything.  

Usually a week before the wedding the engagement festival would be held in the woman's colony. The groom called together a few of his close male friends and relatives as character witnesses (keep in mind as you read this part that it is mostly just tradition and for a few laughs.) They will once again go to the brides colony where the father of the bride has brought together his best men. They all seat themselves in the chairs that have been placed in a circle in the emptied out living room. The only people in the room at this point are the parents of the bride and groom and the rest of them men, (these are all males, the only females in the room are the mothers of the engaged couple.) But people can stand in the hallway and look in, which they usually do because Hutterites are a very curious bunch.

The bride and groom are in another room, in most cases they would be sitting downstairs where they can't hear what is being said about them upstairs. And as the stage is now set the ritual beings ...

So basically the Grooms people would say something about his good character, ethics, etc. and the brides group would counter that with something they heard about the young man or about how their young woman is to good for their young man, and vise versa for the Bride. They go back and forth like this for hours, or it could just take an hour depending on what they have to work with.

 Like I said a silly and funny tradition, but I guess you can now tell why they aren't allowed in the room, as all their dirty laundry could be brought to light. (Not that Hutterites have any secrets, if you know what I mean, I guess we got to keep busy somehow in a land with no TVs.)

Anyways, once both parties have come to the conclusion that these young people are meant to be together for the rest of their lives, (which always happens) they tell the couple to come into the room where they are then given a brief overview of how the debate went. They will then go around the circle and one by one each person gives the engaged couple their best marriage advice that they have learned from their own marriage. They will also warn of the hardships that they will encounter in their lives. They recount memories, biblical reference's and warnings of their life to come, each outlining a simple message. "You no doubt find hardships in life and in each other, but the only way that you can both be certain that you will make it together, is by holding on to each other and to God, for a rope of three cords is not easily broken."

At about 6:30 they head to church where in some colonies they would be formally engaged and in others it would just be a normal afternoon church. Some preachers prefer to just ask the couple a few more questions at the wedding service instead of having a separate one for the engagement.

After supper the cooks and the married women of the colony (the young unmarried women don't have to help at weddings and engagement's because this is seen as a place where they can socialize with other youth and potentially meet their future husband or wife.) The women set up the hulba fest, which consists of choir singing, congregation singing, eating and socializing. This party usually lasts up to 3 hours, for some ways into the night with guitar parties and such. 

A few days before the wedding the bride and groom and a couple of their close friends and relatives, a van full to be exact go into town for the marriage license. After signing it they would usually go bowling or golfing or something along those lines and then go to a restaurant to have supper. 

On the Friday before the wedding the groom would go with a few people to his brides colony once again (lots of traveling am I right) and the colony would have a farewell supper for the bride, which could be steak, prime rib, or ribs with a few sides. (We do love our food, a little more than we probably should.) 

The next day or that same day the bride and groom would take a few small shot glasses and go from house to house and the bride would say her goodbyes to the people she has called home for her entire life. This part can get really emotional as we are used to being together day in and day out so its very hard on the entire colony when someone marries away or decides to leaves the colony. She would get a goodbye hug from every member of the colony the same way she did when she was baptized into the church, words of advice and love are also given at this time.

On Saturday the colony would all dress up in their wedding attire and pile into vans, pickup trucks and and buses to head to the wedding in the grooms colony. About a mile from the colony the parade would all line up and all the cars and trucks and buses would be decorated with washable markers paper hearts and balloons. They would slowly head into the colony where on the way in a few trailers filled to the brim with children and balloons would meet them to escort them into the colony. On the way in signs have been up like "welcome to your new home." but mostly they are comical pieces about small tidbits from when they courted. The parade travels all around the colony and stops at the kitchen where the entire colony is waiting for their new colony member and family member. As the bride steps out of the van the colony women flock around her showering her in hugs and welcomes, kids shyly steal glances and smiles (though she doesn't know it yet she will become the new obsession of weeks to come as little girls will shower her with cards, flowers and homemade gifts and pretend to be her when the play house.)

The wedding party will then move to the grooms home which has been decorated and made ready for guitars which will be played well into the morning hours. The bride and grooms chairs have been placed so that you can steal glances at them as you walk past the room. There is also an open bar (well until the bartender decides that you have had enough.)

The next morning they will both go hand in hand to the preachers house, her in her beautiful blue wedding dress and he in his white shirt with black pants and a black dress jacket, where he will sign the marriage certificate and at 9:30 the bell will sound to summon everyone to church where the service will last for a few hours. At the end after the prayer the preacher will ask them both to come to the front and ask them to take each others right hands, he will then ask both of them a few questions in high German, to each they must say yes. After he will take both their hands in his and pray over them and their union, hug them both and whisper "God be with you." and tells them to be seated. The man will now go sit with his bride on the woman's side of the church until it's time to go home, (this will be the only time he ever will, as we do sit on different sides of the church from day to day.)

Upon exiting the church hand in hand they will come upon a bunch of small girls with baskets of follower petals that have been collected from the gardens surrounding the colony, and with a bouquet which will be handed to the glowing bride. There will also be a crowd of spectators anxious to catch a view of the newly weds (the cooks that have been preparing the dinner and couldn't make it to the church service, babysitters and such.) The group of girls will walk before the couple and throw flower petals along the path that leads to her new home. 

A dinner of homemade geshtel soup and beef with steamed vegetables will be served.

At around 3 the bell will ring again, this time for the wedding fest. The women have once again laid the tables with chips, soft drink, candy and beer will be served throughout the wedding feast. At this part of the wedding the host colony usually invites 1 or 2 colonies to help them celebrate the happy day, these colonies have all prepared 2 or 3 choir songs as entertainment for the crowd of about 300 people. The host colony usually has a small skit for the new couple, most of the time its pretty comical and it tends to highlight the funny parts of the couples courting days. After an hour or 2 or sometimes 3 the end of the wedding will be announced with all the visiting preachers giving a blessing to the new couple and thanking them for inviting them to their wedding. 

The couple will then retire to their new home and mostly likely then not stay up late into the night saying their goodbyes to all their wedding guests. 

A few extra notes to add that might interest people.

- A bride as Four dresses, one for the engagement, one for the marriage license one for the farewell and one for the wedding. Depending on the colony she can pick the color and the style of each dress, but the wedding dress has to be blue, it doesn't matter if its light or dark blue.

- Jewelry and makeup are prohibited but as of a decade ago wedding rings for women have become quite common. Men don't wear them because most of their work is done with their hands and a metal ring could get caught in their machines or such.

- If a colony doesn't have a house for the new couple it is quite common that they just take a few rooms from the grooms parents house to live in until a house is available.

That's all I can think of for now. Also sorry for the delayed post I will try to post more frequently. Questions are welcome, I would rather have people ask me a tone of questions then assume anything about my culture.