The Hands That Rock The Cradle

About 50 years ago my Grandparents lost their 5 year old daughter when she tragically drowned in the river that runs alongside our colony. After days of searching the body was recovered and laid into my Grandmas arms.

My mother also lost her 6 year old brother, after a tractor tipped over and left him submerged in the river that ran on the outskirts of their community.

30 years ago a couple of boys were playing in the river and two of them were swept away by the current, the third ran for help but it was too late, two sets of parents had to watch as they searched for days to recover the bodies of their young sons aged 11 and 10. 

With the stories that I've heard of the two events I've put together a short story that I hope will show not only how Hutterites view death but how they go about healing. 

"Mary." My Grandma says the name so silently, it was as if it was just the wind whistling by my ear, impossible to hear unless you were listening for it. I look down as I see a tear slide down the cheek of my 82 year old grandma. It had been 57 years since the loss of her daughter and yet the pain seemed as fresh as if it had happened just yesterday. "Ich brauch moh nit noch denken." ( I don't need to even think about it) "I remember it so vividly in my head." I looked up as she continued to speak.

"Back then each family had  a few ducks to take care of, and Mary always took care of them, fed them and cleaned up after them. That day she took them down to the river to clean them and water them, as she did every other day, her and a couple of other kids. I was filleting fish in the butcher shop." She took a Kleenex and wiped her eyes.

"I remember that Olfetter (Grandpa) came running, he could barely speak as he told me our Mary had been washed away by the current in the river. I couldn't comprehend what had happened at that time, I was shocked I guess. We all ran down to the River as fast as we could, Me, Sarah, Dorothy, Annie, and Ruth. As we got there we saw police and fire truckers, and a lot of men who had heard had already arrived from their jobs, slowly the bank filled with people as word slowly spread through the colony. As Olfetter stood with me, we looked out upon the water as men waded into the water in an attempt to find her. We stood and watched, waited and prayed all day, the women brought food from the kitchen and blankets to warm up the people who got in and out of the water all day."

"I remember they asked me to go home and sleep, but how can you sleep when your child is deep inside a cold and dark river? They searched all night with lights but they found nothing. In the morning they decided to call as many people as they could get together and they would go hand in hand along the river to try finding her one last time. This time Olfetter decided that he would go and search as well. So they all joined hands and stretched the line all across the river, and that's how the went along, very slowly, men and women, I can still clearly see it." She paused for a moment and took a very shaky breath, "I don't think it was even a 10 minutes into the search when one of the women yelled that she found something. The walking stopped and one of the men took a dive and came up yelling that someone should bring something for a covering. Sarah ran forward with a white sheet in her hand, gave it to Laura who waded in and entered into the circle that had been made around the man who had her in his arms. A few moments later Olfetter came out of the water holding my Mary, she was covered in the white sheet." The tears in her eyes now ran over as she relived a day no mother should have to face. I prayed in my heart that I would never have to face a pain that scars you so deep, even decades later the wound could reopen and feel just as fresh as the first day it cut through you. 

"I'd been waiting for her for two days, but nothing on earth can prepare for that. One of the women brought a chair for me to sit in, as I sat Olfetter asked me if I wanted to hold her. She was cold, wet and still, I held her close and cried, she wasn't at the bottom of the river anymore, but she wasn't supposed to come home like this. I removed the covering and looked at her small face, I cried as I saw how the water left it's mark on her beautiful face." My grandmas hands now old and bent still shook at the thought of holding her child's lifeless body in her arms. "Aber wie Gott will so wir ehs sein, in den armen meinen Herrn soll sie ruen" (What God wants, so it will be, in the arms of my Lord she will rest.)

 I wondered how a faith in something could withstand though your heart had been irreparably shattered? 

"They took her away to repair her to be buried, the water had left her with a smell which they needed to remove as much as they could so we could have her in an open casket until she would be laid to rest. I went home for the first time in two days to rest, eat and bath, I now knew my Mary was safe at home. For two days there was always someone around to take the kids, clean, bring food, or wash clothes. I had six kids that still needed to be cared for, which was a task in itself, but the women "tahled" (distributed) the work among themselves. The only thing I had to do was pick out a dress for her to wear, but that was probably the hardest task they could have given me" She laughed " Never was one for dresses, they were always dirty anyways." 

"The wake (basically a singing evening with messages from different preachers mixed in. Singing to Hutterites is what I would call a healing balm, when you hear a congregation of over 200 people singing in unison, it washes over your heart and mind like healing water. English and German songs are used.) was three hours long, but they sang at home around the casket most of the night." (We sit vigil around a coffin during the night before the funeral, the casket is placed in the persons home and chairs are placed around it to view the dead, and to sing and talk.) "The funeral was quite large, the church was overrun, after they closed the coffin, Six men including your Olfetter carried her to her eternal resting place. We sung "Jesu du allein" (Jesus you alone) when she was laid beside Jack and Joseph my twins who died after they were born, and on the other side of her today is your Aunt Rachel." 

The story had run its course and we sat silent together, each of us lost in thought, her thinking about her children who had made it safely to heavens gate, ran through and had been embraced by the father, knowing she would see them again, and I was pondering how much a heart could break in one lifetime before God says enough? A question that probably will not be answered this side of eternity, but hopefully through this pain can be revealed how one can walk or crawl though hell and end up in heaven. How one can stand in deep pain and come to a conclusion of hope, stand at the grave and see a cross. How in grief, faith is forged, and in death, life is brought forth.

We are better prepared to deal with tragedies and death than most people in the western world. A group of close-knit communities that over the years have been woven together by strong ties of faith, family and culture, people in pain can reach into the deep reservoir of communal care during times of great trial. Members of a 100 person community live within a few feet of one another's homes. When tragedy strikes, fire, flood. illness, death, - hundreds of people surround the distressed family with care, and take over the workload, washday, cook week, bring them food and offer quiet word of comfort. We literally follow the New Testaments words to "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)  Though Hutterites grieve the loss of their loved one and commit them to God at their funeral and they believe wholeheartedly they are in heaven, a conviction that makes navigating the terrible loss easier, but religious faith in no way makes the loss easier. Make no mistake, many tears are shed in the wake of a tragedy such as this, but in the grief, faith is given a rebirth.